A letter to my children

As I sit here and look at the wonderful letters and necklaces you've made me, I can't help but be in continuous awe at the fact that I am your mother. Every day is a continuous blessing of unstinting hard work and a privilege to be a part of this holy calling.

 There are many kinds of love, a general love for mankind, a love for a friend, a love for a spouse, and a love for your own children. Each with their own unique qualities and purpose, the love for you, my children, came with no reservation or apprehension. The minute I saw your faces it was instant, unequivocal love. You gave my life meaning, purpose, and complete and utter fear of failing you.

I know that I am not the perfect mother, but know that I will continuously strive to be the absolute best for you. I will always show you and tell you how much I love you, I will be your strength when you're failing, your guidance when lost, and your friend for those times when you may feel alone. There have seldom been better feelings in my life then when I am able to make you smile after a sad moment. Your laughter is a wonderful sound and it fills my heart completely.

No matter what our future brings I want you to know that you are loved, not only by your earthly parents, but by your Heavenly Father as well. You each have a divine heritage and purpose. "You are elect, you are of noble birth", never let anyone tell you or make you feel otherwise. There may be times when people closest to you may hurt you, say awful things, or try to belittle your individual worth - don't let them affect you. If you carry the knowledge of your divine lineage you will always know that you are important and continuously, and unconditionally, loved.

I know today is usually a day to put mom on a pedestal - but I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Thank you for allowing me to be your mother, whether it was a methodical divine choice or I won a rock-paper-scissors match in the pre-existence, no matter. I love all three of you, thank you.


"You is smart, You is kind, You is important"

 Love,
    Mom

A year has passed...

         As I drive around in my car, I usually think of rants and raves that I could be posting on my blog. I used to be so good about posting, but with many of the things that I kind of gave up after Devin, I am slowly starting to regain my life again. It's always hard to keep on top of a family blog when you have one of your own missing. However, I have come to realize that this is more than just an emotional outlet for my youngest son's passing. It is also the memories that my other two children will carry on through their lives, I need to be better about keeping their memories in a place where when they have their families of their own, they can share the crazy stuff that goes on in this household.  

Having said that.....
     
       Many new and exciting things has happened for my family this past year. We moved into a new home that my husband flipped and built himself {yes, he is very handy} and a new {old} ward - and by old I mean, my old ward that I grew up in. I have {re}started school, and have only a few semesters left. Everett is in Kindergarten, Reese is in first grade, and Mommy will be a {college} Senior after this semester {I will be graduating with a Bachelors of Science in Web Development}.  We are going to start Everett in a hip/hop class very soon and Reese is a Daisy Girl Scout and just finished her first year of selling cookies....

... she killed it! I can't post how many cookies just yet, but our goal was 100 boxes and we well exceeded that!

Anyway,

Here are their school pictures:

Aren't they so cute? Gosh, how did I get so lucky?

Since this photo Reese has lost around 6 more teeth, she is definitely toothless right now!

I guess to catch everyone up on my random thoughts, here are my musings over the past year {from what I can remember}:

• The dress is gold and white. {let's just get this one out of the way} It's poor lighting people!
• I love Grumpy Cat, she is awesome and my daughter looks just like her when she gets mad. 
• I can't believe I didn't see The Hobbit in movie theaters
• I can't believe I didn't get into Comic Con this year



Me and Hardwick



Me and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh (Phineas and Ferb)

• ... but CC14 was AMAZING!!!!!

YOU KNOW NOTHING JOHN SNOW!

• I saw a license plate cover that read, "Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man". I don't get it, and his plate was TINMAN
• My children's storage design WAS published in Parent's Magazine, but they decided {despite their promises and emails} to *NOT credit me for the idea. I am a little disappointed... however it is still having crazy hits from pinterest and about a dozen other websites including Disney Baby and BuzzFeed.  Here is the Parent Magazine spread... those stinkers! 
• We dressed as Adventure Time for Halloween... Everett was Finn, Daddy was Jake, I was Marceline the Vampire Queen, and Reese was Princess Bubblegum.

  

  What time is it?! 

• I am a little bummed Maroon 5 is so popular.. I'm being a total hipster about it because I LOVED THEM FIRST! Haha... but seriously, I did. However, I am glad people are realizing Adam Levine is a stone cold fox. 
• We saw a large black woman {and family} start a fight with a large hispanic man {and family} over looking at a tiger at the San Diego Zoo. It was disgusting and a little terrifying, but a great learning opportunity for my kids. We run from crazy people who just want to fight. 
• Nationwide was completely tasteless in their SuperBowl Ad. I emailed, and received a terrible response. They are terrible liars. 
• Went to my first Holi Festival.. it was awesome! 

  

  my feet.. tan lines and colored chalk

• Superbowl = meh, Dancing Sharks = awesome.
• I scored an amazing free desk
• Germany won the World Cup! Now THAT was an exciting game. 

  

  Babies and brother celebrating! 

  

  Neuer. AMAZING (the one in green... goalie for Deutschland)

• Reese did her first ever zip-line:

• Everett is an amazing dancer.. just watch:

For those who are still wondering: 

We are coming up on what would have been Devin's 3rd birthday (on the 23rd). I am not going to lie, I still have really awful days, which turn into difficult weeks. I was reading over my last few posts and I just want to say this: The ONLY thing that has kept be going is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

This gospel is filled with so much love and hope. I still don't understand why this happened, however, I do understand that Devin is safe. It may seem strange to think of that, but all parents will understand, we just want our children to be safe and loved. Whether it be leaving for school, getting married, going on a field trip, or even just going to class, we want them to be taken care of.  So it does put my heart at ease that he is. 

I am so incredibly grateful that this gospel has given my other two children an understanding that they will see their younger brother again, that we will be a whole family again. 

I guess now, to describe it to someone who hasn't been through this, I am at the point where I have, like, a broken bone. It is fine in its cast, but when I bump it the wrong way, or something pokes it, I am reminded of the pain and experience, and it takes a little while for me to be comforted again. And then, even when the cast eventually comes off, my "broken bone" will never be 100% healed, it will always have a little twinge of pain if bumped the wrong way. And so is my heart. 

I am meeting some really amazing people through my schooling. We always introduce ourselves and children always come into our conversation. It still breaks my heart to say that I have two children. I know I have three, and that instant silent pause that I have to take to correct myself, breaks my heart.