Operation Thin Mint

In celebrating the fabulous Girl Scout Cookie Sales (in which she sold 425+ boxes!! Thank you everyone!!!) We were able to go on the U.S.S. Midway in San Diego to "send off" the Thin Mint boxes we sold for the troops overseas. 

It was a really fun celebration and a really great Mommy/Daughter activity. Here are the pics:

Wedding.

I know that I have so much to catch up on since the last post, so I will be slowly working backwards through the past events in our little lives...

My parents and I just got back from my cousin Eric's wedding. Everything from the ceremony to the reception was done beautifully - It  was wonderful to be a part of it. The most wonderful aspect about it is that after 10 years I was able to see my cousins again. I was fighting back my emotions when we all met at the dinner the night before the wedding and I couldn't believe how much we have all grown up. I think I was gushing a little saying constantly how wonderful it was to see everyone.

The wedding was held in Dallas, a very VERY humid and hot place. Thankfully the Dallasonians, Dallasites, Dallasians.... are very much aware of that fact so the a/c was blasting in every single building we went into (thank goodness). We had just a little bit of time to do a little sightseeing, so we went to the Texas School Book Depository (duh! How can I pass up scratching my conspiracy theory itch, especially with my dad there to fuel the fire?), shopped a little downtown, tried to find a health food store....anyway, why write when I can show pictures? Here they are:

*cue Bridesmaids jokes

Little did I know the adventure I was about to go on. Remember the name "Yaya"... that will be the next post.

Yeah.. so there was this giant eyeball outside our restaurant.... I've got a Visine for that...

Dallas

You can't visit Texas and NOT visit a western store.. and then die of shock of how much cowboy boots really are.

Texas School Book Depository, The Sixth Floor Museum, Jackie O and JFK portraits

Some interesting architecture I found wandering the streets...

on point? on fleek? what are the kids saying these days? ...anyway, this was my outfit. I haven't figured out the whole body selfie yet...

Sue? Allison? Alex? Malerie?

The beautiful couple - Eric and Lauren Kazmaier (Nasher Sculpture Museum)

...my cousin Dustin and I are still convinced the Organist was not only controlling the weather, but playing selections from the Legend of Zelda Soundtrack..... right?

A letter to my children

As I sit here and look at the wonderful letters and necklaces you've made me, I can't help but be in continuous awe at the fact that I am your mother. Every day is a continuous blessing of unstinting hard work and a privilege to be a part of this holy calling.

 There are many kinds of love, a general love for mankind, a love for a friend, a love for a spouse, and a love for your own children. Each with their own unique qualities and purpose, the love for you, my children, came with no reservation or apprehension. The minute I saw your faces it was instant, unequivocal love. You gave my life meaning, purpose, and complete and utter fear of failing you.

I know that I am not the perfect mother, but know that I will continuously strive to be the absolute best for you. I will always show you and tell you how much I love you, I will be your strength when you're failing, your guidance when lost, and your friend for those times when you may feel alone. There have seldom been better feelings in my life then when I am able to make you smile after a sad moment. Your laughter is a wonderful sound and it fills my heart completely.

No matter what our future brings I want you to know that you are loved, not only by your earthly parents, but by your Heavenly Father as well. You each have a divine heritage and purpose. "You are elect, you are of noble birth", never let anyone tell you or make you feel otherwise. There may be times when people closest to you may hurt you, say awful things, or try to belittle your individual worth - don't let them affect you. If you carry the knowledge of your divine lineage you will always know that you are important and continuously, and unconditionally, loved.

I know today is usually a day to put mom on a pedestal - but I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Thank you for allowing me to be your mother, whether it was a methodical divine choice or I won a rock-paper-scissors match in the pre-existence, no matter. I love all three of you, thank you.


"You is smart, You is kind, You is important"

 Love,
    Mom

A year has passed...

         As I drive around in my car, I usually think of rants and raves that I could be posting on my blog. I used to be so good about posting, but with many of the things that I kind of gave up after Devin, I am slowly starting to regain my life again. It's always hard to keep on top of a family blog when you have one of your own missing. However, I have come to realize that this is more than just an emotional outlet for my youngest son's passing. It is also the memories that my other two children will carry on through their lives, I need to be better about keeping their memories in a place where when they have their families of their own, they can share the crazy stuff that goes on in this household.  

Having said that.....
     
       Many new and exciting things has happened for my family this past year. We moved into a new home that my husband flipped and built himself {yes, he is very handy} and a new {old} ward - and by old I mean, my old ward that I grew up in. I have {re}started school, and have only a few semesters left. Everett is in Kindergarten, Reese is in first grade, and Mommy will be a {college} Senior after this semester {I will be graduating with a Bachelors of Science in Web Development}.  We are going to start Everett in a hip/hop class very soon and Reese is a Daisy Girl Scout and just finished her first year of selling cookies....

... she killed it! I can't post how many cookies just yet, but our goal was 100 boxes and we well exceeded that!

Anyway,

Here are their school pictures:

Aren't they so cute? Gosh, how did I get so lucky?

Since this photo Reese has lost around 6 more teeth, she is definitely toothless right now!

I guess to catch everyone up on my random thoughts, here are my musings over the past year {from what I can remember}:

• The dress is gold and white. {let's just get this one out of the way} It's poor lighting people!
• I love Grumpy Cat, she is awesome and my daughter looks just like her when she gets mad. 
• I can't believe I didn't see The Hobbit in movie theaters
• I can't believe I didn't get into Comic Con this year



Me and Hardwick



Me and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh (Phineas and Ferb)

• ... but CC14 was AMAZING!!!!!

YOU KNOW NOTHING JOHN SNOW!

• I saw a license plate cover that read, "Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man". I don't get it, and his plate was TINMAN
• My children's storage design WAS published in Parent's Magazine, but they decided {despite their promises and emails} to *NOT credit me for the idea. I am a little disappointed... however it is still having crazy hits from pinterest and about a dozen other websites including Disney Baby and BuzzFeed.  Here is the Parent Magazine spread... those stinkers! 
• We dressed as Adventure Time for Halloween... Everett was Finn, Daddy was Jake, I was Marceline the Vampire Queen, and Reese was Princess Bubblegum.

  

  What time is it?! 

• I am a little bummed Maroon 5 is so popular.. I'm being a total hipster about it because I LOVED THEM FIRST! Haha... but seriously, I did. However, I am glad people are realizing Adam Levine is a stone cold fox. 
• We saw a large black woman {and family} start a fight with a large hispanic man {and family} over looking at a tiger at the San Diego Zoo. It was disgusting and a little terrifying, but a great learning opportunity for my kids. We run from crazy people who just want to fight. 
• Nationwide was completely tasteless in their SuperBowl Ad. I emailed, and received a terrible response. They are terrible liars. 
• Went to my first Holi Festival.. it was awesome! 

  

  my feet.. tan lines and colored chalk

• Superbowl = meh, Dancing Sharks = awesome.
• I scored an amazing free desk
• Germany won the World Cup! Now THAT was an exciting game. 

  

  Babies and brother celebrating! 

  

  Neuer. AMAZING (the one in green... goalie for Deutschland)

• Reese did her first ever zip-line:

• Everett is an amazing dancer.. just watch:

For those who are still wondering: 

We are coming up on what would have been Devin's 3rd birthday (on the 23rd). I am not going to lie, I still have really awful days, which turn into difficult weeks. I was reading over my last few posts and I just want to say this: The ONLY thing that has kept be going is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

This gospel is filled with so much love and hope. I still don't understand why this happened, however, I do understand that Devin is safe. It may seem strange to think of that, but all parents will understand, we just want our children to be safe and loved. Whether it be leaving for school, getting married, going on a field trip, or even just going to class, we want them to be taken care of.  So it does put my heart at ease that he is. 

I am so incredibly grateful that this gospel has given my other two children an understanding that they will see their younger brother again, that we will be a whole family again. 

I guess now, to describe it to someone who hasn't been through this, I am at the point where I have, like, a broken bone. It is fine in its cast, but when I bump it the wrong way, or something pokes it, I am reminded of the pain and experience, and it takes a little while for me to be comforted again. And then, even when the cast eventually comes off, my "broken bone" will never be 100% healed, it will always have a little twinge of pain if bumped the wrong way. And so is my heart. 

I am meeting some really amazing people through my schooling. We always introduce ourselves and children always come into our conversation. It still breaks my heart to say that I have two children. I know I have three, and that instant silent pause that I have to take to correct myself, breaks my heart.

My Dearest Sunflower,

This was an assignment for my writing class I am currently taking. They asked us to write a love letter to an object, not a person. I wrote to both. I think this is one of the best things I have written, and it was dedicated to my Devin. This is my letter: 

My Dearest Sunflower,

I greatly anticipate seeing your golden petals once again. The agony of waiting for your bud to blossom is nearly unbearable. I lay awake at night imagining what perfect shade of yellow your petals may posses. Will they be a bright cornflower yellow, or maybe a subtle canary hue? Or maybe you will surprise me with a dazzling tangerine complexion? Either way, I know that you will never disappoint me.

            I know that once you are here with me, your luminescent bloom will fill my wintered home with a happy reminder of our carefree summer days. I especially love our time we spend together each day before the sun sets. The way the last rays of sunshine hit your flaxen foliage, fills my heart with such warmth and joy. All I can do is stare at you and wonder at your intricate beauty. How did you get so beautiful? How am I so fortunate to be in possession of such golden perfection?

            You really put all other flowers to shame. I may glance at the delicate orchid, or the elegant rose from time to time, but none will ever come close to my radiant sunflower! Your bright petals against your robust brown center and your fibrous forest green stem, is simply incomparable.

            I was only a small child when I first beheld your summery beauty in person. It was a day close to my birthday, a day I will cease to forget. I decided to take advantage of the sunshine and the inviting towering green foliage in our backyard. While I surveyed for the perfect place to repose, my eyes caught a stunning sight. All in a perfect row you were majestically standing, towering over the garden. It almost seemed like you were protecting the newly budded vegetation below. Your petals shone so brilliantly in the high July sun. Never before had I seen such magnificence in a flower. I instantly knew you were my favorite. Of all the flora and fauna, I knew that you alone could bring me feelings of happiness and home.

            Now, as I have grown older, you remind me of my children’s bright faces, the laughter, and the smiles, of our happy times. I was wise in choosing you for me. I may not have the sunshine and warmth of that July day year round, but I have you, my sunflower. My sunshine, that fills my heart with such joy and contentment. Even in my darkest hour, I can gaze upon your pleasant bloom and have your comforting light with me once again. I can always have my sunshine with you. Please, don’t ever leave.

With much love and admiration,

Your Mother

6 months later... this is where I am at.

I've been given advice to keep writing things down. It helps 'therapeutically'.

Days and weeks seem to drift by aimlessly as I struggle to make sense of my life. There is nothing on this earth that seems to comfort me.  I have moments where I can find happiness, true happiness, but it doesn't happen very often. I keep up appearances, smile, engage people in conversation, act like a human being. When, if I am honest with myself, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Six month later and my heart still aches as it did that day.

As a mother I strive to keep up my daily life as normal as possible for my other two children. I take them to school, joke around, make their food, put them in time-out, and cuddle. I try so very hard to be normal and put together for them.

I worry about my husband. I feel like I need to be the strong one in the family. I need to keep everything together.

And it's just getting to be too much.

I tend to pride myself on my ability of self-control, honesty, and independence. But recently, I just feel myself unravelling. It's been long enough now, where I know that he isn't coming back to me. He really is gone from my life.

I have two hours a day where I am completely alone. I fill that time with homework and chores. Rarely do I have an instance where I do absolutely nothing. Today, I just needed to write. I should be sitting at this desk doing grammar exercises for my English class, but I just can't bring myself to do it right now.

I miss him so terribly.

The holidays were emotionally horrific. It was nice to see my nieces and nephews, and to see the fun that my children have with them. But every day we were all together, there was always someone missing. There was always a smile missing from our pictures.

I swore to myself that I wouldn't be the person to start avoiding the one year olds, but I just can't help myself.  I just can't stand it. Every single day was a vivid reminder that my son was gone. Every time complaints were made about changing diapers I almost broke down and just cried. I would kill to change my son's diapers again. I would do anything humanly possible to give him medicine again, to stay home with him, to play with him. How dare you complain. And yet, I said nothing. It's not their fault I feel this way. They wouldn't understand.

Some days I just wish that I could forget him all together. The anguish that I feel for him is unbearable. How does Heavenly Father expect me to live 60 more years without him, carrying this around with me for the rest of my life?

I wish people would just shut up and give me a hug.  I don't need sentimental crap. I need someone to talk to, that I won't burden, that will listen. I do read each and every email, post, letter, and message. Thank you to all who have taken time out and written me. I don't normally write back, but I just wanted to let you know it doesn't go unnoticed or unappreciated.

Being told that I am strong is ridiculous. Having my son pass away and have every aspect of my existence called into question, as I strive to continue a normal life, and be a good wife and mother, as I feel my mind just collapse, is strength?

I don't care who you are. If you have something so precious be taken away, you will question your faith. You will want to know FOR A FACT where the hell your child is. Everything about my religion is sounding more and more ridiculous. Every religion sounds absurd. Is religion here just to placate the natural man? To give purpose to this really shitty life? At this point, I just don't know.

I find comfort in the teachings of the LDS faith. I do. It puts my heart at ease. But, do I KNOW that this is the truth? No. Not yet, at least, according to LDS scholars, I need to ponder and pray more. Because, earnestly and humbly praying to save my son's life worked so well.

That's the best any religion can do, is to give you hope that this life isn't for nothing.

I do find comfort in things. I find comfort in silence. I find comfort in my children (when they are peaceful). I find comfort in school.

I would have never known that school would help me so much. We only meet once a week, but that two and a half hours is just perfect to get my mind off of my life, and on to something else. No other family is there. It's just me and my classmates. They bring me more comfort than they will ever know.  I feel human again. I feel like I am making a difference. It makes me feel like I am progressing somewhere in my life.

I am told that there is hope, that I will again find joy. That the heartbreak will never go away, but it will lighten.  I really do hope that they are right.

Phantom Limbs & Peanuts

I have been advised to write things down.

I have kept a journal about my thoughts on paper, but I am afraid that when I get emotional my handwriting tends to get really sloppy. I love to type, and am fairly fast at it, so forgive me for another emotional post, I just feel the need to get some of these feelings loose.

I was so excited to have another boy after Everett. Before Devin was born, I had already planned our next 10 halloweens based on the sole fact that Devin, was in fact, a boy. So many Disney movies, family movies, have the one sister, two brothers, or five main characters. I was so excited.

Devin's first and only Halloween he matched his brother, they were Thor and Loki. I am so incredibly thankful that I took so many pictures of them.

This year, I had planned for all of us to be the Peter Pan crew. I was going to be Wendy, with Kurt as John, and Devin as Michael. Everett and Reese were, of course, going to be Peter Pan and Tinkerbell, respectively. I got Reese so excited about this theme, even after everything that happened with Devin,  I wasn't able to convince her out of it.  Emotionally I was dreading Halloween, something I never do, I love Halloween, I love dressing up, but this year was different.

Next year we were going to be the Peanuts gang.

In themed with Halloween, I DVR'ed Charlie Brown's It's The Great Pumpkin.

When all three of my children were born, each had a very specific personality.  I couldn't even begin to explain to you how amazing, I think, our spirits are.  I am thoroughly convinced that they make up 99% of who we are and the last 1% is our physical body.

 Having said that, Devin had a very distinct personality. Besides for being so incredibly peaceful, and impossible to discipline (he was SUCH a good baby), he was 100% little baby boy. By that, I mean that he did all the adorable things you see babies do, suck their thumbs, giggle when you tickle thier chin and say, "Gootchie goo," carry around their blanket, pick up their pacifier and put it in his mouth, make cute little baby sounds, he was 100% cliché baby.

So, appropriately, we nick-named him Baby Linus. He was 100% Linus from Peanuts. If you have ever watched the shows, or read the comics, you would know that Linus was extremely intelligent, and was most often known for carrying his blanket everywhere and quoting scripture or philosophies. Now, Devin could not talk, but his spirituality definitely was apparent with his peacefulness.  He dragged his blanket around everywhere, he would drape it on his head (like Linus in the Christmas movie), he would suck his thumb (or his pacifier), I just loved it.

Every time we would see Peanut stuff at Hallmark, or Target, or wherever, we would always stop and giggle about how much my kids are Peanut characters.  My other two children are pretty darn close to Lucy (bossy and talkative) and Schroeder (artistic and keeps to himself), So I have always had a very endearing place in my heart for the Peanuts. (Kurt is definitely Snoopy and I am the adult that everyone just hears the "Waaawaaawawawawawa" in the background.)

Thus brings us to today.

After dropping Reese off at school, we came home to watch It's The Great Pumpkin before Everett's school. Linus, starts off the movie, and I just lost it. I thought I would be able to handle it, have it be a cute little reminder of my Devin, but it was just emotionally too much.

"Good grief," I thought in my Charlie Brown voice.

I just miss him so much.

Every single day I wake up feeling that I have forgotten something. Every single minute I feel anxiety that I am leaving something behind. When I sit quietly I can still feel him. I am so afraid that I will forget his silky skin and his chubby little thighs. I catch myself several times a day asking Kurt or the kids where baby Devin is. I never let it escape my mouth, I catch myself right in time.

This phantom limb sensation is just horrible.  I feel him. I love him.

It isn't getting any easier.

I have really bad days, and I have not so bad days.

I have a feeling these holidays are going to be hard.

I still feel like I need to apologize to people. I am not ok. I do put on an emotionless front. I know I am a strong person. I hide behind my humor. I think people mistake that for apathy or emotional stability.

I feel like an egg, just one little crack and it ALL comes spilling out.

Please don't come up to me and hold me. A quick hug hello and goodbye is good. Don't linger. Don't remind me that I have lost something that is the most precious thing in the world.  I don't need a reminder from you. I don't need the long lingering teary eyed words of encouragement.

You make it worse.  Don't worry, I still cry myself to sleep. I still cry about 10 times a day. But that is private, that is for me, not for you.

Devin is extremely sacred to me.

I am so grateful for my family: Dakota, Jocelynn, and Shelley. They ask for nothing in return for me venting and crying with them. I trust them utterly and completely. They know the real me.

I am continually so grateful for the glimpse of perfection and heaven that lived with us for a year and a half.  True perfection. My Devin.

The Marring of a Mother

I have been thinking about this blog post for some time now. I wondered if I should just ignore posting the monumental change that has occurred in our family, or if I need to post it where, eventually, I will make into memory books for my children.

I have decided to write.

Spencer W. Kimball wrote,

"Your journal is your autobiography, so it should be kept carefully. You are unique, and there may be incidents in your experience that are more noble and praiseworthy in their way than those recorded in any other life. There may be a flash of illumination here and a story of faithfulness there. … Your story should be written now while it is fresh and while the true details are available. … What could you do better for your children and your children’s children than to record the story of your life, your triumphs over adversity, your recovery after a fall, your progress when all seemed black, your rejoicing when you had finally achieved? Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity. … Get a notebook, a journal that will last through all time, and maybe the angels may quote from it for eternity. Begin today and write in it your going and comings, your deepest thoughts, your achievements, and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. Remember, the Savior chastised those who failed to record important events. ... This is what the Lord has commanded and those who keep a personal journal are more likely to keep the Lord in remembrance their daily lives."

And so, I will tearfully, with a humble and grateful heart, share with you my Devin.

This was my first post about him, after he had come into our lives.

He was is a perfect baby. Looking back over the past year and a half I cannot believe that Heavenly Father blessed us with such a remarkable little spirit. With Devin in the house, there was a different feeling. Truly, our spirits knew we were in the presence of perfection.

The morning of has got to be the most perfect morning we have had. I remember I was putting clothes away in the closet, Kurt was on the computer, the older ones were downstairs playing with toys, and our Devin was asleep in the bed. Moments later he sits up, looks at me sleepily, rubs his eyes, and just smiles. I tell Kurt to look up from the computer to "look at who's awake now". Perfection.

Later that afternoon he took a nap on my chest outside. He NEVER takes a nap on top of me. He always likes to be "spooned" or just put in our bed. Hours before he left us, I got to cuddle him and have him lay on my chest for an hour. I commented to Kurt and to my sister how this never happens, and I was so happy.

Nights leading up to that day, he was having the worst time sleeping. He was so good at sleeping through the night, or just waking up to nurse, and then going back to a peaceful sleep. Two nights straight all he did was cry and cry with absolutely nothing to comfort him. It was so out of character for him.  I wonder if he knew he was going to leave and was very upset about it. I would like to think so.

It was July 8th 2013, 6:45pm. I found him. His mother, protector, first love. The one who gave him life, found him in death. His father was second. His uncle was third.

Driving to the hospital in the patrol car, a voice spoke to me and told me "Alex, Devin is gone. Your baby is gone." I knew this was not going to end how I wanted it to.

The hospital was a nightmarish blur.

Our poor Reese threw up. Everett was our strength.

Devin is a donor. He has the rarest blood.

 Of course, he does.

I am so incredibly grateful for my older brother Brandon.  He stayed by our side the whole time. He was our strength, our sound advice, our protector.

I don't know how I got through the funeral. I don't know how or what I spoke on. The only thing I had somewhat prepared was the Cinderella analogy. And even then, I didn't know how to put into words what I had observed laying in my bed with my Reese.

But really, I do know how. It was from the constant prayers, our merciful Heavenly Father and our loving Savior, Jesus Christ.

As we laid Devin to rest, gave him our sunflowers, Everett sweetly gave an unadulterated "Goodbye Devin" as if he was just going to see him later.

Now here we are almost three months later and I am having one of the worst weeks of my life. Since Sunday I have barely been able to keep it together. I have been crying at least three times a day.

I love my children. I love Devin. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for letting him in my life. I am so hurt that he left us. I hate that I have to live without him. I am disgusted that people tell me I chose this life. I don't believe them when they say that I am strong. I miss him every minute of everyday. I hate that I dream about him only to wake up alone. I love his 'sunflower love notes' {adopted from a friend of mine - Keri}. I am humbled that he chose me as his mother. I hope that we have paid our dues for awful things to happen to us. I feel fragile. I pray that my children, nieces, nephews, and cousins remain out of harm.  I am confused by people who tell me they know how I feel. I want to believe that we are sealed together. I want to see him again. I don't understand what people mean when they bring up the millennium-raising-of-our-children thing. It hurts to see other baby boys. It hurts to read stories of miracles. It's hard to go to church. It's difficult to hear lessons on answered prayers. It comforts me to know that he is with Heavenly Father. It brings me hope that he is watching over us. It makes my heart happy to hear Reese and Everett reminisce about their baby brother. I feel like a failure. I miss my baby.

In essence, I just don't know how to live the rest of my life.

My children [and everyone else] need to know that I am a human being with real emotions; not just an introverted bossy mommy. I need them to know that I love Devin. Even though it pains me to say his name, and I hardly say it, doesn't mean that I don't think about him constantly. I need them to know that if it wasn't for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the knowledge and belief of Eternal Families, and the two of them, I would not be here today.  Those things are the only possessions that have any sort of worth in any world and that give my life any sort of meaning.

What purpose would this life on earth serve if we didn't have something before this and something after this? What would be the point of having emotions, inclinations, spiritual awakenings, and heartbreak if we were living only for this brief moment on earth? What would be Devin's purpose? I don't think a Heavenly Father would have children pass away and not have them return to a heaven, or enable them to be reunited with family. That would mean that he was a cruel and unforgiving God. Not a merciful one, as it says in the scriptures.

I look forward to the day when my eternal family is reunited.

Until then, I am trying to keep myself busy, starting school, broaden my understanding of the Gospel, becoming more patient and soft spoken, and striving to just be a better human being.

There will be times and people who just will, for some reason, put me in a really dark place. I will avoid you. I will say hateful things. I am sorry. I do feel what I say, but I shouldn't let it leave my mouth. I will not care what you think. I am sorry. Be patient with me and I will try to tolerate you, and will strive to become more forgiving.

I am so incredibly grateful for the other people who pull me out of the darkness, the texts, the assignments, my basketball ladies, for the funny things, for the inspiring things, and for my sunflower love notes.

I love you. Thank you for reading. I still need your love, help, and understanding.

1 year, 3 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days 

Total Days: 472 

 Total Weeks: 67.4285714285714 

 Total Hours: 11328 

 Total Minutes: 679680 

 Total Seconds: 40780800

First Day of School! First Day of School!

Finding Nemo... "FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!"

It was tough, but we got some pictures of our little grumpy cat Reesie on her first morning before school. She picked everything out herself, including her first day of school outfit. She was not excited in the morning but LOVED it when we picked her up!

The literal meltdown

Tears

someone farted.... daddy

...and she's happy

 

Daddy walking her to class

Had to leave her at the door...  She was so excited! 

Driving Miss Sassy

Please check out my new page "Driving Miss Sassy". I will most likely update it frequently. Unless Reese stops talking......

Hahahahahaha! 

Click the tab above or click and save this link:

http://akgriffiths.blogspot.com/p/driving-miss-sassy.html

And here is my first POST! 

"Reese!! Enough is enough. Time to turn the sass DOWN!!"

....

Our Lullabies

The bedtime routines I have vary from child to child. With Reese we would have to do 100 things before she would be satisfied enough to consider sleep, including singing every single Disney princess song alive. Everett would be asleep before I had even said, “Good Night”. My precious Devin would just want to cuddle as I sang him our songs.

Devin and I would have this special time at night where Reese and Everett would be asleep, Kurt would be at work, and we would  have some quiet time together. 

These are our special lullabies.

I hear them often and it hurts my heart. These are all so precious to me. I feel when I hear them out in public he's sending me a little love song, but they still make me cry.

Baby mine, don't you cry

Baby mine, dry your eyes

Rest your head close to my heart

Never to part, baby of mine

Little one when you play

Don't you mind what you say

Let those eyes sparkle and shine

Never a tear, baby of mine

From your head to your toes, 

You're so sweet goodness knows

You are so precious to me, 

Cute as can be, baby of mine

Edelweiss, Edelweiss

Every morning you greet me

Small and white,

clean and bright

You look happy to meet me.

Blossom of snow

may you bloom and grow,

Bloom and grow forever.

Edelweiss, Edelweiss

Bless my homeland forever

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey

You never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping

I dreamt I held you in my arms

When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken

So I hung my head, and I cried

I'll always love you and make you happy

If you will only say the same

But if you leave me to love another,

You'll regret it all one day

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey

You never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

Please don't take my sunshine away

Hush, little baby, don't say a word,

Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.

And if that mockingbird won't sing,

Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.

And if that diamond ring turns brass,

Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass.

And if that looking glass gets broke,

Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat,

And if that billy goat don't pull,

Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull.

And if that cart and bull turn over,

Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover.

And if that dog named Rover won't bark,

Mama's gonna buy you a horse and cart.

And if that horse and cart fall down,

You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

*I would make up verses mainly consisting of cakes and things Devin liked

I forgot, we sang this too...

The second star to the right 

Shines in the night for you 

To tell you that the dreams you plan 

Really can come true 

The second star to the right 

Shines with a light so rare 

And if it's Neverland you need

 It's light will lead you there 

Twinkle, twinkle little star 

So we'll know where you are 

Gleaming in the skies above 

Lead use to the land we dream of 

And when our journey is through 

Each time we say "Goodnight" 

We'll thank the little star that shines 

The second from the right